grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
