I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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