I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
