Got a toothbrush?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't deserve a penis
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
