no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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