What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
