Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
