yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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