Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
