i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
