wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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