can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
