ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
