Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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