I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
