Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
