I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
