Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
