Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
