All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
