just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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