I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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