you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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