Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
