Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
