Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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