I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
