pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
