my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
