May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
