He is such a slut. More and more my type.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
