Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
