Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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