No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
