I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
