I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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