drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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