She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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