I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
