I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
