you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
