There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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