I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
