Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
