my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
