I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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