Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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