I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
