My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
