ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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