Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
