I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
