Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
