That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
