True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
