so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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