He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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