I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
