I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
