The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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