We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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