I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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