im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
