im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize