I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
