I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
